Rootless-ness

The toughest part of being an immigrant are the festival days. Durga Puja, Diwali, Dushera, Holi, etc etc. You grew up knowing these as your life line to a community and a sense of self. And now when these days just pass you by , with out a whimper, just another day, you know that vacant feeling in the pit of your stomach is here to stay.

Of obscure attractions.

Why am I always attracted to complex, difficult and insanely attractive people? Oh dear , no. We are not talking sexual liaisons here. Remember I am a mother now and hence mainstream.I am talking about my inherent gravitation towards people that are radically bipolar and hence mysterious. Fabulously contradictory and hence coherent.Beautifully insane and hence desrirable.

These are people I want to befriend . Have a beer. Smoke that flute. Air kiss and suck their mojo.

Time

Now that time has morphed into one long day interspersed only with a consistent strange sequence of "food-diaper-poop', I have to wonder what was my life like before?

And I came to the conclusion quickly. Empty.

Aanya

Yes , it has been a long time coming. But she is here and she is beautiful , vibrant and nothing like me(so far!). It is tough but I am ready to take this is on for the rest of my life.
Here is a little something for my little something.

She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies;

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes:

Thus mellowed to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.



One shade the more, one ray the less,

Had half impaired the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress,

Or softly lightens o'er her face;

Where thoughts serenely sweet express

How pure, how dear their dwelling place.



And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

But tell of days in goodness spent,

A mind at peace with all below,

A heart whose love is innocent!

Overdue!

Oh dear! What agonizing pain to be over the 40 weeks. Like a slow motion torture chamber with the best pain yet to come. This cant be true , I tell myself. Truly the baby knows what momma is feeling and will run to her rescue.Pop she will.

But what, I ask myself in insipid trepidation, if she read my previous posts and decided not to take a chance with the world outside and duct -taped herself in all that glorious amniotic fluid, nice and secure with enough food and water to last the next 21 years, at which point alcohol will seduce her out.

Pop , I coax her. Pop, I point to her the opening that will be the light at the end of the tunnel. Pop , I tell her . The world needs the next generation of strong women and leaders and they have miles to go starting with that pop.

A Ravenous Rant!

What's happening to the world I know? Such collapse , tragedy, and macro fall out.Wars all around. Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq,Iran,Mexico,South America, and of course that black hole Africa,the list goes on. Protectionism, Industrial collapse, Fear. "What's going on", Marvin Gaye would croon dissolutely. Is this a quasi revolution we are in the midst of? Is this the end of the world? The apocalypse?

I wake up every day with more bad news. And then I spend hours on Facebook , going through photographs of people posing on beaches, warm places, resorts and other exotica in the hope that through them I will live vicariously and feel happy that at least some one seems to be happy with the world around them and be shrouded from the despondence , melancholy and deadening numbness.

Motherhood!

I am averse to tags sometimes but usually have a sense of what they mean when applied intelligently. However, I am struggling with what being a parent means. Is it just another phase/step of your life to fit in, to earn more brownie points from society for not having disrupted the delicate nature of conformity. Unlike a man, a woman carries the child in her body for a significant portion of a year facing in the interim, several drastic and unusual physical changes, not all pleasant.And all the time, that society fawns and frets on her suitable fecundity, she worries about her guilty insouciance (sometimes)towards the alien like being inside her body.

Will she become maternal enough for the final act, she ponders? Will she 'hem and haw' and 'ooh and aah' enough on the "cuteness" of her produce?And what about about the afterward? The inane conversations on diaper changes, pee and poop, radical burping and all that etc.Will I fail miserably?

I am worried about motherhood. My increased responsibilities weigh me down with their ominous significance.If my child turns out to be a dysfunctional being, I will be blamed. If she does poorly in Math in her 3rd grade, I will be blamed.If she runs away ( of her own free will) with the neighborhood no-gooder, I will be blamed.

But if she , just through sheer luck and fortuitous happenstance, turns out to be decent, likeable, lovable, will I then be thanked and given my award?

Friends.

I have to say when I look back (again!) at 2008 , it wasn't the very best year for friends . I did make a few. Take any year and if you are a reasonably social & lively person, you are bound to. But I am not sure if I retained some good ones that I had.People have drifted apart. I have lost touch.
Or we have simply moved on and do not have much in common anymore.

I truly believe a person's best indicator is the circle of friends he keeps. Not just the networking , air kissing , meeting at parties only type friends but the one's who can be relied on, who we can rehash our grievances with , bitch a bit and who let us know now and then that we are OK.

I look at my account on social networking sites and I see that I have friends in the hundreds. And then I started counting on the ones that I really like, admire , look up to. Not many I noticed with some sadness.

Friends , cliche though it may be , make life happy and a fun place to be at.

Obama Love!

How can you not be madly in love with this man? Although I am surprised I am. I was a staunch Hillary supporter until the very end. I was suspicious, curious but wary of the smooth talker in him. Also, he was clearly inexperienced and his religious leanings bothered me.

But as he won this fabulous, long drawn out election and kept his calm at every curve ball, I went from being a naysayer to a loyal supporter( although mind you, like many immigrants I still cannot vote in this country).

'No Drama; Obama symbolizes everything "cool". Women dream about men like these. Calm, Collected, Composed. I have rarely come across men like these in my real life. My father is very calm but he has his foibles.

Today was a big day as President Elect Obama was sworn in. His inauguration speech was just like his previous ones, brilliant and stirring.

As I watched the parade and the swearing in and the ceremony, it just felt great to be living this moment even if it was through a television.

Now we watch and see how he governs the free world .

But one thing is assured, I remain a loyal Obama supporter.

Introspection

I was reading a friend's blog and he had a nice little piece on his life in 2008 . I thought it would be a memorable piece to read , say after the end of 2009. After all, we cannot but hope everyday that our lives do matter and we lived it well.

So, How was 2008 for me?

The year started out amazingly well. A fabulous dinner & party with some wonderful people on the hills of El Calafate in Argentina. We were drunk and oh so, young. Happy and carefree.After that, I was back in Boston . Back to reality, a career and continuing to make some incredible friends. There were shorter trips in between and enough socializing to make one feel engaged and alive. Then we had another incredible trip in the summer in Asia( Japan/Korea/Thailand/Cambodia). Once again , it was with wonderful friends and we lived like royalty while we explored the food,drink and culture of the East.

We moved to San Francisco soon after. And while I keep struggling for employment this year, I did get a much deserved break from the craziness of the last 2 years. It has been extremely relaxing and this city is so beautiful. I cannot think of a more relaxed , happy in its skin city than San Francisco.

NY was again wonderful spent with friends and if it is any indication of the year to come , then I know it will be a peaceful and relaxing year for me.

Resolutions

I am almost obliged to write today. After all, its the biggest cliche of all days. New Years. Another beginning, start, what have you.
Its only right that I have all my resolutions in order. I don't. I never seem to be able to keep any of my resolutions that I might have made in my life. And having realized my incompetence in that arena , I stopped long ago. The trouble was not just executing as identifying significantly important resolutions.One's that are high sounding, morally acceptable and maybe even cool. Like "I will no longer have sex with a tripod".
Ok, I made that up. I dont know anybody who had that one.

Resolutions notwithstanding, I really hope 2013 is better for the world and me. After a write off of a year, I want my happy days back and I want my planet to make it through.